Hope you slept okay? I know I did…at least till I woke-up, and I tried to go back to sleep…I had an awkward dream…well it started out making sense then it became very confusing….or clearer. Anywayz, I am up, and I decided to give ex number 4 his gift…with a very big smile. I am smiling because I have cried so many nights. Now, I am not someone who cries,and the whole neighbourhood would know…I am more of a ‘silent crier.’
Sometimes I cry, and tears trickle down my face, other times I cry, and my eyes are dry. This particular type of crying is the most painful because you hurt so much, the tears refuse to come out. I give kudos to the male gender because they are very familiar with this type of crying…God forbid, a man should break down like a girl, rather he holds it all in, and he finds a way to let it out either by drinking, partying hard or taking up a habit..if he doesn’t drink, smoke or party.
Now, I am not a drinker nor a ‘partier’ and I don’t like smoking so that leaves me with taking up a habit right? Well, when this ex hurt me, I was too hurt to take up a habit so, I spent most nights crying inside, and smiling outside.
He took my spirit, and shredded it. Why? Because he couldn’t forgive.
Remember ex number 3? He almost broke me…this one broke me, and he didn’t even look back…
Lesson number 1..please learn to forgive…
Lesson number 2…never let a person own too much of you…or else you end up like I did…dead inside, alive outside!
If you are married, and you are reading this, please just stick to lesson number one…why? Because I don’t know what marriage is like, so, I can’t advise you except I walk a mile in your shoes right?…plus I think if a marriage is real, and true, then you and the person own one another abi?
Moving on…so this ex is one of those I wanted to not write about…but I guess I have to…enjoy…
To you who couldn’t forgive…
I remember you now
Because I never forgot
You turned your back without feeling..
Feeling my pain, and silent tears
Even when you backed me
I still whispered your name!!!
Yet you didn’t listen
I know you heard
‘I am sorry’ I pleaded
Yet you refused to turn towards me
You wicked soul!!!
I didn’t cheat..
I didn’t lie
I simply showed you my flaw
And you ran like a scared rabbit…
Ha ha ha…you ran
Even if I lied or cheated..
Are you so perfect to judge me?
If GOD can forgive…
Who are you to turn your back?
Look at me now
I see a man and I am afraid to show him my flaws
Lest he runs or turns his back like you did
If you were a leader
You would be a young Idi-Amin
If you were a woman
You would be a Jezebel
You should have listened
Or pretended to listen…
You, who I never should have looked at ever
I can almost curse the day I saw you
But I won’t…because I am better than you
At least you didn’t take a journey in me
Else I would have chopped off your manhood…
The thought gives me unexplained pleasure
Yes.. I would gladly make you less of a man…gladly
If I meet another like you
I won’t run…I would stay and seek silent revenge
But if I do that, it means we are the same..and I am nothing like you
So if I meet you in another form…
I would show my flaws…love like never before
And forgive him what I hold against you…
I forgive you for not forgiving me
I need to move on lest I die a bitter person
So, I leave you with this…a gift from me to you…
I leave you with this part of me
That I never want to see again..
Take it o…my lovely EX number four
Take the sad part of me…
That is all you deserve…
To those who can’t forgive…shake my head for you!!!