She knew this christmas wouldn’t be different yet she couldn’t help dreaming it would. Dreaming was the only thing that kept her alive. She sat by her typewriter and she began to create the christmas she wanted for herself.
“If I can’t have it, at least my fans can.” She thought as she begun putting her thoughts onto paper.

It wasn’t that christmas was a particularly sad event for her. No, it was the memories that christmas brought that made her wish she could skip christmas as a whole.
These memories weren’t violent or sorrow filled but they were silent, unhappy memories that were more violent than violence itself.

She knew when people saw her, they did not see her. They saw the image her publicist, stylist, manager, agent and brand manager had carefully and meticulously created. People saw beauty, perfection and joy. Underneath were scars, tears and memories better kept at bay.

That was the reason she wrote stories that depicted the world she was supposed to live. These stories made her the best selling author, and perhaps one of the wealthiest in her part of the world. However, they did not alleviate the pain she felt.

She had men drooling over her, women wanting to be her, mixed breeds craving her. Yet, she couldn’t understand how they failed to see the person beneath her perfect image.
“Was the camera that blind it failed to see her lips quiver when she smiled?”
“Were her fans such romantics that they did not notice that she never clung to the men she dated?”
“Did her fans not notice the sad trails in her books?”
“Was the world that insensitive?”

At a red carpet event she attended a month ago, under extreme pressure, she nearly choked when a fan said she wanted to live like her for a day.
“Poor child, all she sees is the glitz and glamour.” She thought.
She hated outings that weren’t relevant to her work but her team made it impossible for her to stay away from such horrible events.
They kept telling her how people need to see her to read her books.

“What a silly notion! Must you see me before you read my thoughts? These people are just weird.” She muttered while they were sticking pins into her hair to hold it in place preparing her for the event.

She wasn’t always a sad person. There were times she was happy. Those times were precious to her so she never shared it with anyone. Whenever, she finished writing a book or a project, she felt extremely happy.

“I must finish this book else, Enid will kill me.” She reminded herself. So, she typed the first two words- A SMILE…

The book was going to be titled CHRISTMAS IN JOS. It would be a love story that occurred in JOS during christmas when the Boko Haram activities started.

“Yes, perhaps this would endear me to Northerners, they need this escape during this trying times.” She assured herself.
One hour later, she was almost through with the first chapter of the christmas she imagined she was experiencing…


Compliments of the season everyone…

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You know you fall my hand sha? So, all the mouth I have made over your government is just talk talk?
I thought we were friends! I know your kind o. You will seduce somebody, make them like you then you will reveal your true self. No problem.

When you first came in, I was ready to give up watching my favourite TV show just to listen you instead. Now, I would rather watch Nkan bee by Kola Olawuyi or listen to my maale’s radio that plays local songs than listen to a word from you! (Gawd knows where maale gets those songs!)

Are you even a good leader? You think frowning up and down with glasses, making laws that don’t favour the masses is good leadership?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind that you banned Okadas…really I don’t. Those Okada men can be careless. However, if you take something from someone, shouldn’t you replace it with another? Some of these okada men feed their family with the daily income that their okada makes! How do you expect them to feed now? Ehn? Boda fash…answer me o.

I know you are a lawyer…everybody knows. It is good my maale sent me to school otherwise you would make education look like gold or the precious flowers that you keep planting around Lagos….shioor.
Laws in governance do not make sense when it does not favour all sides especially the masses. Didn’t your lecturers teach you that?

So, all these people that are wearing uniforms up and down in Lagos arresting everybody…how is that helping us? I know you want to regulate driving/traffic in lagos but how do you make it a reality? When all the people you have placed on the roads are the same people you don’t care for. So, they have no choice than to transfer their aggression on their fellow Nigerians driving.

I know you are not a governor for the masses but do you easily forget that we put you there? Your fellow elites were busy staying away from the sun so they can prevent sun burn to bother coming out to vote.
How dare you bite the fingers that voted for you?

The least you can do is make B.R.Ts more available. At least we can sit through the traffic that you have made worse…NO. You take okadas away, and you make B.R.Ts unavailable. Kai! You no try at all.
If you want to control us, come and live with us. Yes! Leave the island and come to the mainland! Then you can make laws and we would pray for you…trust me, you are getting more prayers from us now but I am sure you wouldn’t like them to come true.

You are not the first to disappoint us so I am not surprised. I just felt you would be different…I prayed you would be. I am not angry that you have turned a deaf ear to the masses. I am pissed that you dared to make us hope…make us believe that change had finally arrived. You shouldn’t have bothered to seem different…you would still have won. Don’t you know that once you toss 5000 naira to a man who has three children at home with no job, he would do whatever you ask? 2015 better come quick!

Thank you Fashola for making us walk under the sun for an hour before we can actually board a vehicle.
Thank you Fashola for making us work like slaves only to earn stipends.
Thank you for finding a way into our hearts and ripping it apart.
Thank you for asking us to go back to our various states after we built Lagos with your ancestors.
Thank you for making TINUBU look like a learner when it comes to stealing funds…

Thank you BABATUNDE RAJI FASHOLA…you are really working.

To my fellow Lagosians…EKO O NI BAJE O…FASHOLA BAJE TI…

Merry Christmas…


Follow @damikuks on twitter

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When words fail me
I turn to you
You helped me heal
When no one else knew my hurt
You stood silently while I caused a ruckus

You are my blanket
When the night is dry…
You understood
Yet you asked for nothing in return
Even when I ignored you
You stayed…

Sometimes you cheated me
Sometimes you hurt me
Sometimes you made me impatient
But you were there all the time

You knew
When no one else did
That is why I am sure we are destined
My lovely blog…
Thank you for being the best I ever I had
I love you

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Don’t you know?
Its to make a comedy sketch
The forces are laughing
The pain
The weakness
The anguish
It is all a joke
They always laugh last matter how far we run
Its a joke
The sweat and blood
Its a joke to them
Laugh please
So you don’t cry
Its all a joke…

Hold on
The jester is yet to pull its last card
…Ok laugh now
Laugh harder

I will cut you
Its a joke
I will love you
Its a joke
I will…
Its a joke
Tell me you understand…

Its a joke


P.S to every force seemingly greater than self

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DEAR 2013,

How you dey?

I am really grateful your brother 2012 was kind to me. I trust you will be kinder since you and I are sisters. So, I have a few requests that I know you will grant…this is a 1st come 1st serve thing right?

I need my skin, teeth, body parts, hair and nails to always be on point, no injuries please. Falling on Patrick Ellis’s set wasn’t too cool so no more injuries.

I need to be on location playing lead roles whenever I am not in school. I need to be very busy making lots of money.

I need to be closer to GOD, talk less and do more.

2013, Please note that I am only interested in meeting people who are good and they need me.

I need to meet people who are in power in my field and use the contacts well.

I need stronger work ethics.

I need a small toyota jeep.

Please note that your brother 2012 sent me good men, I need you to send me a great man(cars, apartment included) with a great heart and body! (6ft or so) someone who I can trust, love and support while he brings home the big bucks! He should be my very best friend.
He should be a good dresser abeg. He better love me and God o.

Ehn ehn 2013, please I am not interested in small paying acting jobs. Would you please get me a beautiful apartment (family included)?

I need great scripts to direct and star in, so 2013 please bring fantastic jobs my way.

Since you are such a beautiful year, I don’t mind a beautiful vacation from you. Dubai won’t be bad. Five tickets extra aside from mine.

Please don’t let me board buses that may fall into the Lagoon o. I don’t know how to swim.

Make Nigeria better. Btw since my laptop has crashed, an ipad 2 won’t be bad.

I need to work with Wole Oguntokun, so make it happen…okay? Probably mid year.

A few TVCs won’t be bad.

These are the few things I can remember so…


See you soon 2013

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